We're All About to Die of Dysentery

Cue the floppy disks and pixelated oxen—it’s official: the classic Oregon Trail game is getting the Hollywood treatment. Apple Original Films is bringing this 8-bit adventure to life as an action-comedy. And no, you’re not dreaming—this isn’t another gritty reboot. With the Lucas Brothers (IMDb Keith and Kenny) and songwriters Pasek and Paul (think La La Land and The Greatest Showman) attached, the project promises to capture all the absurdity, nostalgia, and... dysentery-induced deaths that made the game an icon of retro computer culture.

But what can we expect? Let’s unpack the journey, one wagon wheel at a time.

The Lucas Brothers’ Comedic Twins

If you’re unfamiliar with Keith and Kenny Lucas, now’s the time to fix that. The Emmy-nominated comedians are celebrated for their sharp, irreverent humor, which makes them the perfect duo to tackle this satirical take on westward expansion. Expect tongue-in-cheek references to the original game and plenty of laugh-out-loud moments.

A Trail Worth Traveling

The Oregon Trail movie has been described as a “musical action-comedy,” which feels about as on-brand as it gets for a game that taught kids in the '80s and '90s that cholera and broken wagon axles could ruin lives. Apple has tapped some heavy-hitting talent to bring this wild west survival simulator to life, including directors and producers who seem fully committed to leaning into the humor and heart of this old-school classic.

Why the Oregon Trail?

If you grew up jamming out to the buzz of a dot-matrix printer, chances are you spent a good chunk of your elementary school years trying (and failing) to get your wagon to Oregon. From hunting pixelated buffalo to rationing meager food supplies, the game wasn’t just fun—it was a rite of passage. Apple’s upcoming movie is poised to bottle up that collective nostalgia and throw it on the big screen in a way that nods to the absurdity of it all.

Of course, not everyone survives the trek. At least now—even if you succumb to dysentery, you’ll die stylishly.

Image of the dark side of the Oregon Trail from Harper's

Oregon Trail Meets Retro Swag

Can’t wait for the movie? We’ve got just the thing to tide you over. Celebrate your favorite computer game with our Oregon Trail-inspired magnets and buttons—perfect for fans who want to keep that 8-bit energy alive.

“We're Going to Die of Dysentery” Magnet
Bring a little dark humor to your fridge—because nothing says "home sweet home" like a reminder of untimely demise on the trail.

“You Have Died of Dysentery” Button
Pin it on your jacket, your backpack, or even your wagon (okay, maybe not your wagon). It’s the ultimate badge of retro pride.

The History of Oregon Trail: From Classrooms to Living Rooms

The Oregon Trail wasn’t just a game—it was an educational phenomenon. Created in 1971 by Don Rawitsch, Bill Heinemann, and Paul Dillenberger for a history class, the original version was text-based and played on an HP 2100 minicomputer. Players interacted via a teletype machine, making decisions that impacted their fictional pioneer journey westward.

The game rose to fame in the 1980s, thanks to the Minnesota Educational Computing Consortium (MECC), which adapted it for classroom use on Apple II computers. It became a staple of elementary school computer labs, teaching kids about resource management and just how fragile life on the trail could be.

For those who grew up gaming at home, The Oregon Trail also made its way to the Commodore 64, offering enhanced graphics and sound that made surviving (or not) on the trail even more immersive. Whether you played it at school or on a chunky beige keyboard in your living room, the game defined a generation of early computer users.

Hollywood and Retro Gaming: A Match Made in Pixel Heaven

Apple’s Oregon Trail adaptation is just the latest in a string of nostalgic gaming reboots, proving that everything old is new again. From Super Mario Bros. to Tetris, retro gaming culture is experiencing a renaissance—and we’re here for it.

If the Oregon Trail movie can pull off its promised mix of action, comedy, and musical genius, it could become one of the most talked-about films of the year. Whether you’re here for the jokes, the songs, or the sheer absurdity of it all, one thing’s for sure: this movie is a wagon ride we can’t wait to take.

No Release Date (and Hopefully No Broken Arms)

As of now, there’s no official release date for Apple’s Oregon Trail movie. That gives you plenty of time to sharpen your survival skills and prepare for the inevitable calamities. Whether you’re dodging snake bites, suffering from cholera, or—you guessed it—dying of dysentery, the trail waits for no one.

In the meantime, relive the nostalgia and stock up on Oregon Trail-inspired swag. Because who needs a release date when you can start your own journey down the trail—minus the fording rivers and bad weather?